the ironic 'maybe'

I can’t deny I’m kinda impressed of how I get along with myself these days.. maybe I’m tired of hating on her and fighting over her flaws, her silly manners and imperfections, when she used to yell at me saying it’s not her fault and that I should do more effort to be better.. when we used to end up arguing over what’s right and what’s wrong.. I’m bored and tired of all that..

here she’s lying with me on the floor of the room, darkness is being a good company and my mind is making silly colorful shapes everywhere..

she brings him up out of green, saying: “we’re too similar in many ways, Do you think he likes colors as we do?"

I close my eyes and imagine a seashore with sunrise.. I start to smell the sea and feel the cool breeze..

she starts again: “I think I might like him.. he’s sweet, sensible, good humor.. and maybe handsome."

I secretly laugh at the word ‘maybe’ then I open my eyes and gaze at how ironic life could get sometimes..

she gets distracted by my constant trials to get her distracted away from him.. my mind makes a green goat and a rainbow out of blue, just blue.

she says louder: “What’s wrong anyway about taking chances? why can’t we jump off the cliff once more?".. she looks at me with previous intentions of arguing over how stupid falling in love is.. but I smile..

I remember the excitement of falling, how beautiful life gets when they smile, the amazing rush and the wise slowing down and the constant fear of losing them and all the nervousness and confusion, all for the sweetsake of falling.

my mind interrupts with a silent pause.

I try to remember his face but there’s always something missing, there’s always something wrong.. I realize I can’t get attached to a ghost, a shadow made of colors and written words.

she finds out the mess I’ve fallen into.. she tries to fix it and so, she brings on his laughs.. just his laughs.

she whispers while gently closing her eyes.. “I think I might like him.. he’ll take care of me.."

My eyes are wide open at the darkness with my blank mind.. my heart is trembling with fear.. the same old fear of being let down.. being forgotten.

The floor somehow becomes colder, the air stops moving.. the darkness creeps on me.. but she says softly “he’ll take care of us"..

I don’t scream, and I don't run..

I only say ‘hope so’.

just hope so.

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a sane person wouldn't take that seriously, an insane one would.
consider that a pre-exam hallucinations, or pre-exam breaking down. 

you know what? whatever.

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