blue..

This isn't a late night hallucination, we're not that late in the night even, we're just midnight. 

What am I going to talk about? I don't really know. I just felt like writing now, and Arabic needs effort to find the perfect words for how I feel and put them together. I don't know that much vocabulary in English so I pick whatever comes to my head first and I don't have to worry about the style, it all fits somehow. 

Now, about what I want to say, I really think a lot lately about comfort zones and all that crap. How all nowadays poets use the word "Circle" to describe life. The thing about circles isn't so fascinating, I love rectangles more. Why can't we describe life as rectangles? it'd be more accurate I guess. When you finally think it's gonna be okay, you're walking in the right direction something happens to drastically change your way to a complete different angle. and until you settle for the new road, the new changes, the new whatsoever, you meet another something and the angle is different once again. 

Anyway, I hate memories, so bad. I hate to remember the day I cried, the moment I had a fight with a friend, or the misunderstanding that stood there in between for a long long time. I hate to find those memories suddenly up in my conscious. I hate having to push them away behind another door. I hate to look at my body and find the same bruises that have been there forever, see the scars and remember how they used to burn. I don't cling to such things, I don't enjoy myself sinking in grief all over again cause I can't learn to forget. I want to forget. I deeply want to let go of all but my head just don't seem to function that way. 

I feel better. Even though it still hurts sometimes. I'm not sad, I only feel cold and alone. But that's okay, that's what movies and books are for, right?